Did you know that a man can be turned on and grow closer to you through the process of you sharing even your worst hurt feelings?
It’s true. Even your most hurt feelings have the potential to bring more truth and honesty to your relationship, and attract a man to you on an even deeper emotional level.
But only if you know how…
Couples who know how to do this are brought CLOSER and find higher and higher levels of love and understanding with each other not because they passively “accept” one another… but because they are extremely honest with how they’re feeling.
They are unusually honest with their feelings- allowing them to be more authentic and present with each other than many other couples.
This is a part of the secret that keeps them close and connected, even if it looks to be harder in the short term.
But you should know…
There’s more to what I’m talking about than just sharing your feelings.
If all this sounds strange to you and you don’t have a relationship with this kind of communication and honest… it might be that you’ve experienced the opposite-
When you share your hurt or “negative” feelings with a man, you might find that he withdraws or shuts off. In fact, for you it’s just put more distance between you in the relationship. You might find that men don’t listen.
Has this been a communication pattern you find in your relationships with men? Is this the process you seem to follow?
- He does something to hurt your feelings
- It hurts your feelings and he doesn’t recognize it or respond
- You don’t know how to share your feelings
- You become more frustrated that sharing and being understood has to be hard
- You finally share your feelings after bottling them up
- It doesn’t go well. He withdraws or gets irritated
Recognize anything in this pattern for you?
If you do, and you haven’t been able to find the level of love and understanding you want… it’s time to take a good hard look at the kind of communication that’s being created in your relationships.
To help you with that, there are 3 steps for good communication that every relationship MUST HAVE, and every partner must have in the relationship, if there’s going to be the kind of communication that brings you CLOSER.
Here they are…
The 3 Steps For Sharing Your Feelings
Step 1: Accept Your Own Feelings
Lots of women don’t recognize it, but as much as they’re frustrated with men for being distant and not opening up…
Lots of women end up doing the exact same thing out of frustration when their man isn’t communicating…
They hold on to their hurt feelings.
They don’t share what their truly thinking and feeling.
And they respond and react negatively to what might otherwise be little things because they’re holding on to some feelings about something in the past. (By the way- this is exactly what NOT being present looks like)
Withholding your feelings because your partner is withholding their feelings only creates more problems in a relationship.
Regardless of who did what first, you have the power to transform your life and your relationship by being truthful with your feelings.
When you take a moment to accept your own feelings, and not stuff them down inside for fear of what problems they might bring up… you move one step closer to a more honest and loving relationship.
When you take the time to accept and recognize your own feelings, you become a better partner in your relationship. A more honest one who’s more capable of being present.
Step 2: Share What You Feel, Not Who’s To Blame
There’s a mistake many people make once they start to feel their feelings more and try and communicate more openly in their relationship.
The mistake is that they accidentally share their feelings in a way that creates BLAME for what they’re feeling.
Instead of explaining the difference between Sharing and Blame, I’ll give you several examples…
Sharing what you feel and blaming someone are two separate things. Sharing what you feel means being able to admit that your feelings were hurt, and how you are vulnerable.
Blaming someone means telling someone that they did something bad to you, and going on to tell them what it must mean about them and what’s wrong with them.
Sharing what you feel means not taking sides against your partner, and instead simply asking them to listen to you.
Blaming someone means you becoming Right and your partner becoming Wrong, and showing your frustration with them that they don’t understand you as much as you need them to- and subtly punishing them for it as you talk.
Sharing your feelings means opening up and looking to find the things that still mean you love each other.
Blaming someone means creating distance between you and disconnecting yourself from everything good, and instead focusing on all the things that are wrong with your partner.
Are you starting to see the difference?
Good.
Step 3: Ask For What You Want
When you accept your feelings, and you share your feelings without blame… you start to recognize that there’s something else that’s important that you can and should do in your relationship.
And that is…
You should start to become less aware of what you DON’T WANT and start to think and ask for what you DO WANT.
This might sound like a small thing, but for most of us in relationships it’s HUGE.
If you can take time when you don’t get what you want to also reflect and come to understand more about what you DO WANT… you’ve grown in your relationship.
When you take the next step of actually telling your partner (without blame) what it is you’d like… your relationship grows even more.
You might not realize it, but it’s surprisingly rare for you to come into a situation that has the potential to push your buttons, and instead of fighting against what we fear or are hurt by- embracing what it is that you love and cherish.
Every moment you speak to your partner you are making CHOICES.
You can either stay Unconscious of your choices, and continue contributing less productive and lower “energy” to your relationship by blaming, going on about what you don’t want and taking sides in your relationship.
Or… you can choose to remember your intention and reason for being in a relationship in the first place-
To love your partner, and be loved. And then communicate from your deeper values of what it is you do want, and align your actions and your communication with the love and understanding you want to share in a relationship in the first place.
A Final Thought On Loving Communication…
The secret power of Emotions in relationships is NOT to learn how to suppress them, or make it so that you no longer feel your feelings.
The secret power of Emotions is to find comfort and acceptance of your own feelings so that you have the confidence to reveal your feelings WITHOUT BLAME.
When you do this, your emotions (even the seemingly negative ones that might have pushed men away in the past) can become the glue that bonds you and a man together.
If you’re going to be truly close with a man, and you want a relationship of honesty… then you’ve got to share your feelings.
The 3 Steps I showed you will allow you to transform your emotions into powerful opportunities to connect with a man.
But only if you create that “shift” in the way you communicate your feelings so that they serve you and your relationship.
It’s been said that “Communication is the response you get.”
Think about the response your getting when you share your feelings.
Being able to speak is the easy part anyone can manage. Being able to create more truth and awareness with your communication is the next level in your relationship.
Are you ready to start creating more truth, connection and awareness in your relationship?
If you’re wanting to become a healthy communicator and create the kind of connected and secure relationship that’s only possible when you and a man can truly open up with each other, I strongly recommend you check out my Communication Secrets program.
If you’re having relationship problems that seem to be about more than just communication, then you need to first know how to build a solid FOUNDATION for a relationship in the first place. In this case, you need to check out Relationship Turn-Around.
I’ll talk with you again soon and best of luck in Life and Love.
Christian
{ 5 comments… read them below or add one }
thank you for you. I always read your notes to my email
I hope you can go to Indonesian and sharing about relantionship with us. From now, I will practice about your notes. Wish me get the best man for my life.
very encouraging programm, thank you
its a teaching lession so as to know the ways of communicating to the lovers and to understand more about the relationships
Hi, i ve never read a unique and interesting book of relationship like this. Your work is exellent. I ‘ll be very glad to have a copy of the b.s e book. Thanks for a wonderful job well done.
Dear Christian, I just wanted to let you know how much your program is helping me become the woman I want to be, finally at 58 years old!! never to late right!.lol . After two failed marraiges and 7 children, I have now begun dating a man and managing the relationship,in a positive way with your help.
Once again thank you so much. Marguerite.