There’s a subtle thing that happens in most relationships over time.
It’s something that quickly throws a relationship out of balance once it takes place.
Here’s what happens…
At first, the relationship is great and everyone is happy, loved and on equal footing.
But at some point one of the partners starts to feel less sure about their partners love for them, and where things are headed in the relationship.
They start to worry and become more intense and concerned about each moment and whether it means something good or bad.
Suddenly the relationship most work at all costs, and each moment is watched and judged cautiously.
If you’ve ever been in this situation, this is when you start to go in to “panic mode” and are desperate to try and save your relationship.
The Convincer In The Relationship
I call this partner who I just described above the “Convincer.”
The Convincer is the one who feels as though they’ve somehow lost power in their relationship and is subtly trying to hold on to the relationship and not lose their partner.
The Convincer is the one who tries out of fear of loss to keep their partner closer and get them to promise and commit so they
can feel more comfortable.
The Resistor In The Relationship
Now, on the other hand…
While this is happening, the other partner senses this shift in their partner… and in response they start to feel more casual and unsure about the relationship, and if it’s really right for them.
They start to see some troubling signs in their partner including neediness, insecurity and a lack of confidence in themselves.
While they love their partner and want to reassure them, they also can’t help but get turned off by how their partner is acting.
The more their partner tries to save the relationship, the more they see that there are other things more important
than just being together that need to be figured out and worked out first.
I call this partner the “Resistor.”
The Resistor is the one who feels as though their partner is acting weird or strange in a way that has them take pause and question if the relationship really is right.
The Convincer & Resistor Are Out Of Balance
As one partner starts to worry and want to grab on tighter to the relationship, the other stands back. And so the cycle goes…
The Convincer finds reasons to doubt themselves, or doubt their partners love for them… and they take on behaviors that push their partner even farther away.
Then the Resistor pulls further away in response to their partners behaviors, insecurity or neediness.
By now you can see how the cycle works and where it leads.
You should know that both men and women play the roles of Convincer and Resistor in relationships.
There are plenty of men who become insecure about whether or not they’re enought to keep a woman and her interest, and grow
needy or controlling to try and keep a woman.
Just like their are plenty of women who think they see signs of things going wrong with a man and go into “panic mode” in
response.
If you’ve found yourself taking on the role of the Convincer with a man, I’ve got to be honest with you…
There is NOTHING more unattractive to a man than a woman who, out of fear of loss, is trying to get a man to become more
devoted or committed.
It’s a sure way to turn a man off.
Be Conscious Of Your Relationship Balance
Since you’re smarter than to let yourself get to a place where you’re just trying to save your relationship…
If you’d like to keep that free-flowing kind of love and affection that you probably shared with a man in your relationship at some point… here’s a quick tip.
When in doubt, don’t grab on so tight.
It might sound like simple advice, but it’s also very powerful when you can actually do it.
The reality is that you can’t single-handedly hold on to a man and your relationship.
Just as it is 100% your conscious choice to be with a man and stay with him or not, it’s also a man’s choice whether or not he is going to stay with you.
And the more worried or concerned you become with trying to convince him that he should want you or want more, the more he’s going to subtly resist.
I talk about The Relationship Balance in my Catch Him & Keep Him eBook and share tons of real-w0rld tips and tools to help you not just restore that natural “balance” in your relationship, but grow into a closer more connected relationship where you can stop worrying about the bumps in the road and share a lasting and committed relationship.
Talk with you again soon.
Christian Carter
Oh, and P.S.
If you post a question or two you have about Convincing and The Relationship Balance as you’ve experienced it in your relationships, I’ll probably answer and get back to you. Thanks!
