I’ll come right out and say it…
I think men can and should do more to understand the woman they’re with.
There are all kinds of amazing “layers” that can be peeled back and opened up in a woman, and in a relationship, if a man is confident, loving and willing to look and listen for a woman’s deeper feelings.
For a man, this is a kind of skill and “practice” that often doesn’t come up until later in his life and higher levels of maturity. Yet the strange part is that when a man starts to be this way, he quickly man grows into a stronger, more confident, more mature man for doing so.
One of the surest ways for a man to grow is by finding greater levels of understanding in the women in his life. There he’ll learn things he probably wouldn’t have otherwise.
Knowing that, I want to share with you some important things you should know about understanding men.
But before I share tips and insights about men, there’s an important question that needs to be asked.
Which is…
Why should you have to try so hard with a man if he doesn’t see what you’re worth?
It’s a great question.
If you’ve asked yourself this question in your head, give me a silent nod. But really, think about it…
After all the time and energy you’ve put into thinking about your relationship, shouldn’t he be doing more so you don’t have to try and carry your relationship on your own 2 shoulders?
Yes, he should.
Your man should be giving you more understanding. That’s one of the reasons for being in a relationship in the first place: to help each partner understand themselves better, and support each other in this by genuinely seeking to understand the other.
But not every relationship rises to this level of generosity and caring.
Here’s the thing…
When you’re in a relationship where you’re not getting much understanding from your man, there are 2 common “traps” women often fall into that prevent much understanding from taking place.
Here are the 2 most dangerous “traps” you need to know about so you can avoid them in your relationship:
Understanding Men Trap #1: Filling The Void
Trap #1 is what I call “filling the void.”
Have you been in a relationship with a man who’s distant and emotionally unavailable? If so, you’ve probably found yourself trying more and more to connect with him and keep things together.
First… what happens is that the farther he drifts away, the more you pull on him.
And then… the more energy you put into the relationship and towards reconnecting with him – the less energy he seems to give back. But seeing how he’s less engaged only leads you to giving more and trying harder.
It becomes a repetitive cycle of frustration with you trying harder, and getting less back. Yet you continue on.
But why, if you aren’t getting the response you want and a man keeps pulling away, do you keep trying?
If you’ve found yourself in this situation, somewhere deep down inside you’ve probably feared that if you didn’t “fill the void” between you and the man, you and he would completely drift apart and become permanently disconnected.
The strange part is, you “filling the void” quickly becomes a pattern that keeps you frustrated and only leads to more distance between you and your guy.
There’s a better way.
*Hint – if you want to start RECEIVING more from your man, you have to stop trying to GIVE all the time.
Understanding Men Trap #2: Speaking For Him
I want you to try a quick exercise…
I want you to think back to a time when you were with a man and he wasn’t being communicative or open with you. He wasn’t sharing his feelings, and you were wondering what was going on with him.
Once you have this situation form the past in mind, I want you to remember the feelings you felt at that time. This is going to help you recall what you experienced on an emotional level.
Now that you remember those feelings, I want you to think back to what your thoughts were about the man in your life. Since he was distant and not sharing with you, I want you to recall what it was that you were thinking about him and what he might be feeling?
What did you believe was going on for him? What did you believe was on his mind? What did you believe he was feeling about you or your relationship?
Were the thoughts you had and the things you believed he was thinking and feeling POSITIVE things?
Or were they largely NEGATIVE?
You probably get where I’m going with this.
The reality is that once you felt distant and disconnected from your man, you started putting thoughts and feelings that you believed he was feeling into his head. You started “speaking for him.”
Speaking for your partner is a sure way to make communication and finding understanding in your relationship hard, if not impossible.
But what’s worse is believing and assuming all kinds of negative things about your partner, about what they’re thinking and about your relationship.
This is one of the most destructive “traps” you can fall into in a relationship. It only leads to negative interactions and conflict. Not understanding and connection.
Tips For Understanding Men
Now that you’re aware of the 2 big traps you might be falling into with men, make sure you avoid them.
Being conscious of your own behavior with men and seeing what’s preventing you both from being more open and understanding with each other can make your love life much easier.
It will let you create more situations where your man will give you the listening and the understanding, and your relationship will thrive. You’ll get more of what you want.
Another great way to start receiving more from your man, and get more of his understanding, is by knowing the other critical things that men want with the woman they love.
The amazing part is… knowing the ways to a man’s heart is also the toughest half of creating the relationship you deserve. Once you “get” this, the relationship you’ve always wanted can finally feel effortless and free-flowing.
To find out what your man honestly needs to fall desperately in love with you, and stay in love… then you need to go read this…
At this link is a page filled with some of my best insights and tips that have already helped thousands of women finally experience the level of connection and understanding they want from their man – and has made getting to this place in their relationship finally easy by doing some of the simple things that INSPIRE a man to want to understand you more and more.
Again, I’d recommend reading Inside The Mind Of A Man.
I’ll leave you with this thought…
Are you creating closeness and connection through the things you think about, and in the way you talk?
Or are you questioning, blaming, and waiting for the other shoe to drop and expecting the worst? (keeping yourself on edge and being “disconnected” yourself)
The answer has everything to do with how people feel around you, and respond to you. And that goes for everyone in your life- not just men.
I’ll talk with you again soon, and best of luck in Life and Love.
Christian
{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }
I am going to say this staight out – I think women spend way to much time trying to figure out men – what they are thinking, what was meant by what they said or did, or didn’t say or do. I’ve been there. It is disempowering. The best remedy: get a life!
Now, I want to make it clear, I did not say women spend too much time considering, interacting with, and being present with the men in their lives. These are all healthy, emotionally mature behaviors. I think that is what you are pointing out. Both people need to be engaged. If not, it is not really a quality relationship. If we stay in a relationship where the other person is not engaged we need to ask ourselves what is going on inside of us because at that point it is NOT about the other person. When we resolve what is happening in us and deal with that, we can then move on to being with someone who is present in the relationship. Much more fun!
Thank you for all you do to help others understand and find more joy in life and love.
I can appreciate 100% what you are doing by coaching women to avoid common mistakes that prevent them from the relationships they want. “Correct” dating behaviors are a total mystery to me. I truly don’t get it. I can readily listen to advice but at the same time am so aware of all the “mistakes” I am constantly supposedly making. And if I think about this I get hopeless and want to just throw my hands in the air. How do people ever get together? Nobody comes into a relationship “perfect” or “mistake-free.” But then I wonder if “mistakes” are just the aspects of the ways women operate which naturally turn men off. And vice versa: the “mistakes” guys make are just the aspects of ways men operate which naturally turn women off. Is our society simply so “spoiled” with options, so to speak, that nobody will tolerate or move forward with someone who makes a “mistake” that turns off attraction? Very true–I don’t want to be making these “mistakes” that turn off a guy I’m interested in. But then I also think–well, I’m human, and I happen to be female, and this is a very common female response, whether the guy likes it or not. I’m willing to learn and change, but if the guy is so touchy that he walks off with mistakes I am making (albeit, ready to learn/improve from), then I’m not so sure I’m interested in such a guy. We are all humans, the guy and girl–we are all works in progress. Don’t we all need and want someone who extends grace? This feels too complicated for me. That being said, I can see the huge benefits of your coaching to help avoid these, so for that I am grateful. I just question the way our society seems to have such short tolerance to work with what appears to be simply the way the other gender operates. I wish we would have more tolerance to have patience with each other and learn how to relate better WITH someone, instead of as a condition for getting together with someone in the first place.