2 Mistakes We Don’t Realize We’re Making, In Search of Love
Why does it feel so hard to find true love? To really create a powerful connection with someone, and share that wonderful feeling we see in movies and novels?
Finding true love often seems like an elusive concept, and after many frustrating first dates, we start doubting it’s even possible.
I’m not here today to give you a magic formula. I don’t think that exists.
I AM here today to share with you an insight that could literally change your perspective on finding true love… And how you can make it happen in your life.
Mistakes Preventing You From Finding True Love
1. Ignoring Your Unconscious Beliefs
What are unconscious beliefs? Usually, an unconscious belief is something we hold to be true but don’t consciously think about, or don’t even know we believe in.
Often times, these beliefs are formed by our experiences. And when it comes to our love life, your past struggles and heartaches could have created negative false beliefs you’re now carrying without realizing.
The danger of false beliefs is that they operate us, like an “auto-pilot.”
They create “knee-jerk reactions” in the way we interact with others, and present ourselves in relationships.
So when it comes to finding true love, if we let our beliefs lead, we end up dismissing real opportunities that might be right in front of us. For example: if you believe things like: “all men cheat” or “men are jerks” or “men don’t listen”… you’ll start expecting that behavior from men.
Let’s say you’re going out with a guy and things are going well, but he disappoints you in some way. Maybe he zoned out while you were talking, or didn’t call back when he said he wouldā¦
If one of your unconscious beliefs is that “men are jerks” you’ll immediately just feel annoyed at him. You’ll feel disrespected, maybe you start thinking about moving on. Maybe deep inside, you reassure yourself: “yeah, men are jerks, why would I expect anything else?”
Well, here’s a story I heard once: this woman was dating a guy who was wonderful to her at first, but after a few dates, started acting distant. Not paying attention to her, not calling back, taking a long time to reply to her texts.
She started getting angry. Once again, the possibility of true love seemed escaping.
A few weeks later, he reached out againā¦ invited her out, and wanted to spend time together.
But she was still angry — maybe not only at him, but at love in general, at men in general. Why give him another chance? Men are flaky, that will happen againā¦ he will be nice now, but until when? Men are jerksā¦ can’t be trusted!
When she told me that was happening, I had a light-bulb moment! I asked “so you’re going to decide NOT to go out with him again because you believe ALL men are jerks? What if that’s not true? What if there’s another explanation for his behavior?” –she went out with him againā¦ reluctantly, but I’m glad she did! Because this is what she found out:
His grandfather had just passed away. He didn’t want to tell her yetā¦ they had just started seeing each other and he didn’t want to “bring the vibe down”, or make her feel bad. He was sadā¦ he went to spend some time with his parents and focused on his family for a little over a week.
They’re married now. He IS a wonderful husband to my friend. They’re happy, they’re in love.
Which brings me to my second point:
2. Expecting The Other Person To Read Your Mind
In my friend’s story, she never told him she was angry, disappointed, ready to move on when he became distant. She expected him to just know that.
Could it be that we often expect others to meet our expectations, even without us making them clear to them?
I see that happening at work sometimesā¦
I see that in married couples ALL THE TIME! Wife gets upset because husband didn’t do something she wanted him to do, but never told him. Or husband withdraws because wife doesn’t share the same interests as him, but he never expressed to her that those were important to him.
How many chances of finding true love are we wasting because we don’t fully communicate what we want?
Maybe even on a first date, you come in with expectations, but forget that the other person doesn’t know that.
Or maybe you’ve been dating for a while, and you’re starting to develop deeper feelingsā¦ in your mind, you’re already in a more serious stage of a relationship. But he’s not reading your mindā¦ and there’s no way to know if he’s sharing those feelings.
You haven’t talked about being exclusiveā¦ yet in your mind, you’re already creating expectations for him to meet. And he doesn’t know them yet. That misalignment is the cause of many misunderstandings that push true love away. I talk more about this when explaining what an Instant Relationship is — happens all the time.
Correcting the Course To True Love: How To Stop Making These Mistakes
Like I said in the beginning, there’s no magic formula.
But I invite you to reflect upon these 2 insights, and ask yourself: am I making these mistakes? What are the unconscious beliefs that drive my reactions when it comes to men, dating, and relationships?
Or, how can I create a habit of expressing my feelings and expectations more clearly, before becoming upset or frustrated?
It is possible to remove these barriers and be on your way to finding true loveā¦ and I can help you.
I offer insights, ideas, honest thoughts and observations into how men think about dating, love and relationships. I know it’s hard to make generalizationsā¦ each individual is differentā¦ but there are patterns we can learn from.
If you read my newsletters, you’ll encounter many stories, examples, ideas and action steps to help you connect deeply with the right person for you.
I believe in true love. And I believe it can happen for you.
Sign up for my newsletter, and I’ll speak with you again soon!
All the happiness in life and love,
Jason